George…is watching everyone…

So Turkey Day is over… and we enjoyed ourselves like we were challenged with eating our weight in food before the last day on earth, or something like that. My sil, Alison, made something she isn’t allowed to make again. Salted caramel cheesecake will ensure that I break out my maternity pants. Go ahead and judge me. It’s amazing.

We decorated our house like crazy this week. And we didn’t even touch outside. Hello Mexican Griswalds. J says he has a plan for the outside. DUN DUN DUNNNNN.   The inside is nice and festive and looks like Santa’s elves threw up snowflakes everywhere.  I was challenged between the massive amount of xmas crap I have, all the amazing ideas that are possible on other people’s homes (damn you, Pintrest), and space.  I’m pretty sure I am way over the line of classy into trashy. Oh well, my kids love it. Scratch that. L loves it. He keeps asking if today is Christmas. He is also asking if Jesus’ birthday will have cake and where Jesus’ house is.  Justin Beiber saved me on those tough questions….  and L has the attention span of an ant/3 year old.  Whew. Meanwhile, Teo is like a ninja with the ornaments on the tree. And we have lost Baby Jesus from the manger 3 times today already. No worries, he was chilling behind the credenza. No harm, no foul.

But the newest member is… no, I’m not pregnant (but if Pintrest keeps teasing me with things I never knew I needed made out of pallets and modge podge, I might change my mind). The newest member of the Faddis/Martinez/Ginestra family is George. The Elf on the Shelf.  This dude is half creepy and half …well …creepy. L already learned in school that if you are bad, Santa doesn’t bring you any presents. Thanks kids.  So each time he is in trouble, that lovely, gut wrenching line comes pouring out.  But we have been preparing him for George and that George will head home each night to tell Santa how the boys acted that day.  The best part (according to everyone else) is that you move George each night so he is found in a different place each morning. There is an actual website with 101 different ways to place him in your house!! 

Here is where Pintrest (read: Fabulous people who have the imagination to do this craziness) and I part ways.  I can barely dress myself, leaving my kids eating their cereal in my wake as I’m barreling out the door because I’m late. How will I figure out how to move him every day until Christmas? I had to set a reminder in my phone. Is that bad? That can’t be bad, right? Steve Jobs wouldn’t think that was bad.  Honestly, George looks like Jobs, sans the mock turtleneck. 

Either way, George is going on the mantel tonight. And then maybe to the left on the mantel. To the left, to the left….perhaps I can dress him in a leotard like Beyonce. Am I allowed to dress him? I’m more afraid I won’t remember where I put him.  My two big ideas are in L’s closet and in the tree. 2 days down. 23 more to go.  Awesome.

Another freakin’ thankful post….kinda

Tomorrow is Turkey Day…. which btw is stinkin’ difficult to explain to a 3 year old. He went off looking for pilgrims in the house after I explained it.  Might say something about my explanation. I can’t wait for the birds and the bees talk. 

Luca just walked by J and I and said ‘the dog just wants a f*&%in treat’.  J said what? And he repeated it, like he was Andrew Dice Clay or something.  The best part was when J asked where he learned it from. L said ‘you just said it in the kitchen’.  Busted.  I hid behind my hands to avoid L seeing my fits of laughter.  We did lecture him after we composed ourselves. So… I’m thankful I have a healthy, smart (aleck) kid at all and also one who continues to keep us in stitches.

Today, I learned just how little my sister knows about food or cooking. Now before you say ‘hello, pot!’, I know I’m not Emeril or @chefmickd (follow him, he’s awesome), but I asked her if she knew where a spanish onion came from…and she said Spain.  But she redeems herself by naming random squirrels names like Anderson Cooper squirrel.  Her blog is a must read-waaay better than this sorry excuse for a blog.  She did make mini pumpkin pies…but told Mom and I that she was 2 oz short of unsweetened milk, but it should be fine. Thank you Mom for ordering me a French Silk pie. So…I’m thankful for my sister and all her crazy.  She doesn’t fall far from the tree. 

I’m thankful for my hubs. Even if he does teach my kid profanity, lets my kids blow thru an entire box of band-aids so they can do ‘surgery’ on him and he’s leaving me for 2 weeks to go to Asia…..to help kids who are in horrible conditions. What a jerky dude.  🙂  He is pretty cool and I might keep him. Plus he needs to redeem himself in the gift department on the Asia trip. 

My parents rock. Period. They do the wackiest stuff and make me laugh. They love my kids and my nephews like an obsession. That part, I love.  Mom and I can have a great conversation abou a purse thief and his amazing driving skills….there is a story behind that line. Dad will consistently cook off a giant pound of bacon even though he knows the entire family will blow thru it in less than 15 seconds.  That’s love.

If you didn’t get a mention, don’t take it personally. I literally just realized I left the oven on for 4 hours–with nothing in it. 

Happy day, Turkeys. 

A glimpse into my glamourous life….

Some may wonder how I do it all.  Many have asked how I manage to get dressed, wrangle humans, mold young minds and nourish them with home cooked food and tuck them in at night. Yeah, I don’t.  But just for kicks, let’s pull back the curtain, shall we?

This evening for example…I picked up my kiddos after racing across town to get there in time for pick up. Of course, it’s Family Fun Night….watching all those moms play quietly with their kids while crafting. Nerds. I did get a side conversation from Teo’s teacher saying he ate a few rocks today and somehow was outside with his shoes off. Fantastic.

We get home amid a rain shower of goldfish crackers coming from the backseat and the awkward conversation of seeing a deer in the road.  I love explaining the circle of life and auto safety while trying to get home before I pee my pants, due to the water being off at my office. 

Unloading kids, groceries, work bags and goldfish crackers, I lose Teo in the garage. I yell at Luca to find his brother. He said ‘He’s by the shovels’. That can’t be good. Sure enough Teo has wedged himself into the tool holder amid rakes, brush trimmers and shovels. Grinning at me.  Inside, throw a Trader Joe’s chicken fried rice on to warm up (it said organic) and proceed to change a diaper…and then another. This does not bode well for me tonight.  Racing upstairs because the wipes are MIA and forgot about the rice….AWESOME.  How about applesauce for dinner with a side of slightly charred organic rice.  No takers? Sweet. Cereal then.

By this time, it’s 6:45. I have said ‘Teo, be nice’ no less than 26 times. Most of his issues were pointed towards the dog. Speaking of the dog…. I saw a Chapstick on my end table. The boys found them and used them as toys yesterday. That’s a different story.  As I’m putting it on, L says to me ‘That’s Wrigley’s favorite kind!’  I might have cursed in my mind. 

Almost simultaneously, the boys decide to scare the bejeezus out of me. L flips his lanky noodle of a body over the trampoline and falls on his face. Teo decides to lock himself in the bathroom.  I get everyone calmed down and happy.  Damn. Whoever invented grape juice hates parents.

Who wants Cars 2? Halfway thru the movie (translation: before Mater eats wasabi),  the boys start fighting/biting/screeching. Movie over. I start singing about 5 speckled frogs and then L reminds me of the croc song.  Youtube should come with a warning.  Yesterday, I clicked on a song about 5 monkeys and that was a bad decision.  It’s a song about a crocodile eating monkeys 1 by 1 out of a tree. Teo laughs every time a monkey is eaten and then asks for mo-mo.  And yet, I sing it 3 times.

[Side bar: Teo just beaned L in the head with a plastic golf club–gave T a pair of socks to try to put on, that should buy me 10 minutes.] 

Teo asked for more ‘pop’…which is his word for any drink.  It’s glaringly obvious what we enjoy drinking at our house. It also allows for parents to judge me when my 18 month old asks for pop when he means juice or water.

Ok, building a tent…that should distract them…nope. Only leads to broken tent dreams and a possible concussion. For me, I misjudged the chair leg.

And….it’s time for bed. 

I have no energy for a title….deal with it.

I’m convinced I live in an alternate universe. A universe which sucks time out of my day. A universe where no matter what I cook (stop laughing), my kids still manage to eat cereal and Easy Mac (what an INVENTION) at 830pm.  #Momoftheyear.  

It’s raining and I’m praying….that my kids stay in their own beds. Freakin’ thunder.

If you have a strong perspective on sports bras, check this out….  

Sara Bareilles of the Sing off could be my sarcasm doppleganger. She does use the word ‘sick’ in a much trendy way than I ever could.  

Speaking of sarcasm….I’m going back to school. I’m going to get my Ph.D at someecards.com.  Hilarity will ensue at every party I’m at, post Ph.D.   Right now, I just bring a sick dip. See?  I bring a great dip.  Go to someecards.com. I would link it here but then my mom would read some of them….and then give me that look, like when I wanted my hair feathered like the girl in License to Drive.  I hate that look. 

Did I mention Easy Mac just fed my kids?  Easy Mac is sick. Like bad, in a good way. 

I want a red washing machine. Heck, I will take a washing machine that doesn’t try to move counties when I do a load of towels. Dear Santa…..

I got a spatula at work today. I got sweet seats for J, L and I for a awesome soccer game from work. My job gives me a giant range of perks. 

Who does the Sing off’s costumes? I need those guys for family pics. I’m thinking studded leather jackets and lime green t shirts….wait… I can feel the feathered hair look from my mom through the screen.  Or we can just do the black shirts and denim. That’s a new look.

It’s 10pm. How does that happen?  It was 820am like 2 minutes ago.  Later gators.