Martinez Madness

With fruit snack dreams and lego laden wishes…..

Archive for the month “July, 2011”

Like a cougar….

Warning: My brain is just going to throw up now. You have been warned.

Teo got put in timeout just now. He stared me down like he was a cougar and I was a lovely KFC double stack (worst sandwich in the world).  It was kinda odd, not going to lie. Twice, I had to turn my head and remind myself who was the parent. 

My brain hurts. Not because of all the innovative thinking I do all day. I do all that while dreaming up witty comments about my life. No, wait…that’s the Kardashians on Twitter.  Twitter makes me feel like I’m learning fractions all over again. What’s with the hash marks. And the witty titles. My brain hurts.  Mostly because a migraine has taken up residence there and hung up curtains. ouch. ouch. double ouch.  Having to squint was awesome.  Not sure if the person I was meeting with today thought I was doubting what he was saying or if I was multi-tasking by practicing making wrinkles. Either way, I’m sure I looked smart.

Luca just told me ‘there are no sharks in the water’. Is that like ‘the crow flies at midnight?” I’m confused.

My kid just tried to mouth a pig. And then cracked himself in the noggin with said pig.

Same kid is now into communicating like a howler monkey. I might try that tomorrow at work and see how that goes.

I should really clean for the boys play date tomorrow. Or I could just act like it’s clean and see how good a friend my friend is.  🙂

Luca just asked me what my favorite shoe was. Ok, I’ll play. I said my favorite shoe was a flip flop. He said his was a chicken.

I really need to clean my house. And I’m pretty sure Clorox wipes aren’t gonna cut it this time.

Dinner tonight was actually edible. Teo and I enjoyed it. Luca took a look and asked for a jelly sandwich with a hole in it. I felt like I was speaking French to him, trying to figure out what the heck the hole was.

Watching Luca manuever Nana’s ‘i-pat’ is like watching a cute little monkey who is obsessed with you tube and thomas manuever a i-pad.  My own cute little tan monkey. I also wondered how long it would be until my little friend posted his own you tube video. (Mental note: hide all laptops and ‘i-pats’)

And I’m done.  My apologies. L just asked me for ‘orgurt’.  Breakin’ out my French dictionary.

Snarktastic Tuesday….and hopes for a margarita

Here is your warning. It’s Snarky Tuesday. S-N-A-R-K-Y. As in cranky, crabby, whiny and perhaps full of cold pizza and no margarita. Whoa. And this post isn’t about the kids. Whoa. Whoa.  Ready to carry on?  Ok then.

The show Hoarders makes me feel so much better about myself and lack of housekeeping skills.  My problem is my hubby. Really. He loves to clean. Ergo, I don’t.  However, as my kids (crap, this post is about my kids. Dang.) step over piles of clothes  (enter my violent rebellion of the GAP years—but I will SCHOOL you in jean folding), I wonder if their little brains think ‘I’m in the 2020 version of Hoarders’.  So I’m stepping up my game. No joke. 

I’m also feel that wanting shank someone for a piece of chocolate is wrong.  That would be my Catholic school upbringing coming through. I’m pretty sure there is a sin for shanking. But I do like the word today apparently.

The running has been obsolete this week. I’m not feeling it. And then my lovely co-worker (rhymes with Pas-yawn) asked me about my 5K today. Crap. Now I need to get my Skinny Runner shorts on and head downstairs.  You know, because it’s so hot out (how hot is it?)…. It’s so hot out fire hydrants are fighting over dogs!   Hellloooo treadmill.

The other would be my eating habits. Granted the schmorgasbord that I made tonight was just my fridge falling out onto my table and landing in my kid’s mouths.  No judging….there was fruit.  I did think ‘Man, I need to get it together’–as I was shoving a black and bleu burger in my mouth (Shout out to Coach’s!!)

On a fun kid note, I tried to use timeout for Teo tonight. He laughed at me. Seriously. Then got up and walked past me.  My BP went up a bit and we tried it again. He looked at me as if I was cray cray (am I cool enough to pull off that phrase? I’m thinking not…kind of like gladiator sandals….not gonna happen). 
Anyway, timeout was short lived and I managed to feel like loser parent of the year.   Luckily, I was sitting with Luca and he was stroking my hair. I said ‘What are you doing?’ Luca said… I was going to get a napkin but you are right here. He’s the sweetest.

So if I smell like pepperoni, and have running shorts on tomorrow… just avert your eyes.  Unless you have chocolate or a margarita.

Mister Literal…literally.

I just need to capture these quotes from L now. You know, for when he is a famous bounty hunter, model or physicist and needs to remember his childhood. That is the real reason why this blog is so amazing. It has nothing to do with my inability (read: laziness) to complete a baby book for either of my kids.  So to all the scrapbookers out there, I bow to you and kinda hope I get more sleep than you… but it will really suck if you scrapbook AND get more sleep than me. I have no excuse then.  But, I digress.

Luca is such a little stinker. His vocabulary is growing all the time and had ears like sponges. Sponges, I tell you. But lately, he has been so literal in his comments and how he responds to you. 

Some examples: (remember, this is for the book about his amazing childhood. He will be omitting the fact that he lived on bacon, raisins and soda during his childhood.)

1. L hung out with Nana this week. It was pretty hot out when they were playing outside. They were talking about how sweaty they both were. As they came in, L said ‘I’m sweaty and you are sweaty. Let’s take our shirts off.’ 

2. L came in from outside to ask ‘vermission’ to get in the non-hot hot tub.  His Uncle Greg said ‘you have to be 4 feet tall’. L looked at him, lifted up his foot and said ‘I have 1 big one’.

3. Auntie Cait and L were hanging out and Teo came around the corner. He had been eating bananas.  Auntie Cait isn’t a fan of bananas. So she said ‘ewww I don’t want bananas to come over here.’  L looked at her funny and said ‘um, that’s Teo’.

4. Gram (aka Tita) and L were playing today and L found a piece of white fuzz on the carpet. Tita asked what it was he found. L said ‘I think its part of your hair’.

5. He is more aware of boys and girls and body parts.  He told me (and now anyone else who walks by, you have been warned…) ‘Boys have a penis. You no have penis, you have angina’.  My brother, the firefighter, said ‘I’m pretty sure that’s heart disease’. 

He’s turning into such a sweet boy though.  He told me I was his favorite momma ever. He then turned to Wrigley and said ‘Wrigs, you are my favorite dog ever’. I felt special. 

He also likes to ‘act like me’.  He told M, when M was crying, ‘Teo, you out control. I not happy. Not happy at all.  Take breath Teo’.   Yikes…. I’m pretty sure I use verbs and adverbs when I am yelling.

I go now. Me type later. (Maybe I don’t use all my articles of speech…hmmm).

I’m pooped.

Home again, home again, jiggety jig!  Even with missing a few pillows that are now living in either Hays or Denver, it was nice to sleep in our own beds last night.  Granted, our entire main floor looks like a tornado and a bomb got married and had babies in it. Yowza. And all of that was in 1 car. Not even a magic clown car, just a good ole Jeep. Shocking that we didn’t love each other more than we did. Kidding. 

The ride back was the one shot deal, no stops. J drove at mach speed to get us back before dark. Not really sure why, but I went with it. We brought back one fabulous addition, Gram. Yeah!!

This is one of the 500 pics of Tita, courtesy of L. If her neck is sore, you will know why.

I actually had a request from a fan (translation: a small pre teen cousin who is growing up entirely too fast and rhymes with Schmemma) of Vacation update #3.  I was impressed and felt pressure immediately. After all, I had had friendly feedback that Vacation update #2 wasn’t THAT funny. Well crap. Now I need to be funnier??  Ok, so a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar….   No?  Ok well then perhaps the antics for the remainder of the vaca will have to do. But the joke is a good one. There’s a duck at the end.

Martinez Family Vacation Update #3:  Pooped, jumpolines and the panino

Sunday was Sunday Funday. Despite M deciding to throw a rager at 3:30am and there were only like 18 people sleeping in the house at the time. Awesome.  The plan was to head to Heritage Square and ride the rides and act like we were in the time trials at the Olympics on the Alpine slide.
View from the Slide down….

I have done this a few times before and since there were 18 people going and L had officially disowned his father and I, I felt I could bow out.  My boys loved it apparently as well as everything else- swan rides (boats, not the feathered cranky kind), roller coasters, and rode ponies named Kevin and Carmelo. No joke.  M and Kevin apparently had multiple opportunities to bond. 

Kevin and M, bonding.

L played more than he slept or ate. There were so many cousins to play with and he didn’t have to be the oldest, for once. He loved it. Enter the ‘jumpoline’-aka trampoline.  The child lived and laughed on this thing and coaxed any chump (I mean, cousin) to jump with him.  One lovely cousin who I will call Schmittany told L ‘I’m pooped’. He immediately looked at her pants and (I’m sure was judging-he IS my kid) told Schmeri ‘She pooped her pants’. Laughter all around… Mr. Literal.

He also is apparently training to be Liberace (minus the candleabra and ‘personality’) with the piano. However, he called it a ‘panino’.   Tomato, Tomato. Whatever. 

Martinez Family Vacation Update #4 (I’m multi-tasking)

Monday was an early morning due to 4th of July parade festivities. Good thing M and I were up with the birds and maybe China. Sheesh. We chose to hang for a bit and enjoy a little neighborhood that totally felt like Pleasantville (in a good way).  It was great. The boys got to see more family and decorate bikes, scooters and such. Well, L and his bff Schmory (the sch- thing is addictive) decorated and then L ripped it off. M chose to walk up to any strange dog and poke, pet or hug. No fear. And a side note, the dogs in CO are as calm as most of the residents. Weird…but at least my kid left the state with all his digits.

There were popsicles- always an awesome idea to sugar up kids before parking them in a car for 8 hours.  And we said our goodbyes (enter Hallmark movie tears as L and his bff said their goodbyes).  The good news is that he has only asked for Schmory  about 10 times since we have been home. He also told me this morning he wants to ‘kype him.  There is a bobblehead in our future (inside joke). 
The ride home was relatively uneventful. There was screeching, loud movies, inordinate amounts of milk consumption, and me (crammed in between 2 car seats the size of Montana).  F-U-N times!

Things to remember for our next road trip:

1. Wear helmets (M likes to throw things)
2. L is a fabulous road tripper (just needs to do a little country pee, and he’s golden)
3. Exercise your cheeks (not those, get your mind right)– there will be lots of talking with a toddler.
4. Tape record the following responses (a. No, we are not in Dember yet. b. No, we are not going to Nana’s. c. There isn’t a moco in your drink, Leave it alone. d. The cows were not going to work)

5. Cory
6. A small cow, for the amazing amount of milk M drinks. Moooooo
7. Earplugs. For many reasons.
Jealous?  I know you are, and it’s ok.  Kevin and Carmelo are waiting for your next trip to CO.

Martinez Family Update #2: THAT should not go in your mouth….

Yeah!! We survived day #2!  It totally helps that we are at a house that is gi-normus and we can seperate into multiple rooms. It also helps that my oldest has disowned me completely.  No joke. Like, wouldn’t even sit on my lap during my ‘Happy Birthday’ song. Bummer and yet….. he still belongs to me. (insert evil laugh here).

Crazy stuff:
1. Yesterday after we arrived in ‘Dember’, we got to straight to the pool. Mental note: we are not polar bears. It was stinkin’ cold. But fun nonetheless. Family, hot dogs, craziness, and wasabi covered almonds. Oh my!
2. My birthday day is/was awesome. Giant balloon, coffee, cinnamon bread to wake up to? Yes please.  Kids who want to bang on a panino (read: piano)?  Um pass… but thankfully the hosts don’t care.
3. Little Anitas Breakfast burritos? I would sell my dog for one. It was fab. Air mailing one to my house weekly? Yes please.
4. Nordstrom Rack, sushi and good girl chatter with the bestest cuz ever. Yes, yes and yes. 
5. I enjoy taking my time during lunch and then get home and leave to go eat dinner.  Only on vacation. Ahhh.
6. Rockies game after great pizza and awesome company? Yes, please.  Changing a poopy diaper while the babe is standing up because the potty is the size of a shoe box and within 6 inches of him is a toilet brush, open toilet and open trash can. I’m a super mom.  Not realizing while I am washing my hands, that the child has realized the towel dispenser is an automatic one, sending 4 feet of paper towel to the floor. Not awesome.
7. M running around outside and entering the biker-ish bar next door? Also not awesome.
8. Game was great-minus the icky play form the Royals. The Rockies did score some tacos though… beats the KC Krispy Kreme action. By far.
9. My littlest kiddo chewing on a pistachio shell? So not awesome. Also barreling like a linebacker through a giant crowd and not apologizing? Kinda awesome but not when my kid is freaking out from the reaction he is having.
10. Hanging out in the first aid center with other Royals fans, enjoying the irony (once we confirmed M was ok)…slightly humorous. Emphasis on  ‘slightly’. 

Whew….onto day #3.

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