Martinez Madness

With fruit snack dreams and lego laden wishes…..

Archive for the month “October, 2011”


Now, I don’t normally post during the day.. while I should be working. *cough cough* But this had to get out of my head so I can go on with the whole resourcing human’s thing I do.  Now, if you know me at all, you know I HATE HATE HATE to sweat, exert any extra energy and will throw myself face first on the ground kicking and screaming before heading to an ‘exercise’ class.  My sis and her friends VOLUNTARILY go to a boot camp.  I might judge them for doing that, especially when they hurt themselves there. My OREO’s have never injured me.  

Either way, I did find something. Zumba was and is just like me:  slightly fun, loud, awkwardness is encouraged, and uh latin. Duh. But I’m a Zumba snob. I like my one teacher and that’s it. The other’s aren’t as funny or human, for that matter.  Shout out to Katie @ the Y!!   But my Zumba teacher had to go and get pregnant. Not that I am one to judge, being a creator of life myself…but still. A big bummer since the replacement was and is slightly scary and likes to dance into my personal space.  See this 3 foot imaginary circle around me?  Stay out of it. 

So I bailed.  I know… what a whiner. Have you met me ever???  My husband needs to stop nodding his head now.

I learned great news when my fave teacher was returning and I completely ignored my kids in the afternoon so I could go again. Yeah me! However, she changed schedules on me and well, there are only so many meetings I could “forget” and not get busted. Plus, half my co-workers read this…and let’s face it, they are kinda mouthy. 

But….*insert dramatic music here*…today is a new day. I realized I could head to this Zumba class taught by my fave teacher AND my boss was ok with AND my kids didn’t need me as long as they had Mickey and their dad. WI N WIN!!   *Yank dramatic music here and insert crying clowns* Alas, my Zumba karma kicked my butt.

I walked in, ON TIME—shocker, and watched as these (I’m going to be careful here–Hi Mom!!) ladies who looked like they could have been bff’s with Rosie the Riveter start to stretch and talk about the weather.  Groan…. I felt bad for them. I was so gonna school them. Poor gals. 

Enter a stranger. Double GROAN. Where was Katie? Where were the Zumba’ers?  And of course before we begin, she calls me out in front of the crowd. I HEART THAT KIND OF ATTENTION. Not.  “Are you new to my class?” Um…stammering…no I take the 430 with Katie. She looks at me like I’m nuts. Awesome.

And it begins. The dreaded Hi-Lo class. CRAP MCCRAPERSON. And of course, like an idiot, I park myself on the far wall with all of my crap. Nope, can’t be the cool one who walks in with a water bottle and keys. Nope, purse, giant water bottle, wallet and keys and a jacket. Sweet.  Now I can’t even sneak out.  And it begins… .the Hi-yah’ing. 

No lie. If I had my phone, I would have taken a ninja-pic. But that was the ONE thing I left in my car. I’m an awesome planner.  It was my gram’s doppleganger. Well, except this doppleganger does high kicks, wears floral headscarves, and has some rhythm issues. Oh and she’s Asian. So maybe it was just the hair that reminded me of my Gram.  Anywho, she didn’t follow along with the beat, dancing all along, stretched when we were doing cardio-WEIRDO, and felt the need to Hi-Ya at the most random times.  Pretty sure Gaga didn’t imagine someone Hi-ya’ing to her poker face tune. Maybe that’s just me. Either way, Alter-Gram threw me off my game. Oh wait, I didn’t have one. I love being forced to do something I don’t know or don’t want to do… J-stop nodding.

Did I mention I almost sold my soul if I would make time fly by. I was panting and sweating….EVERYONE SAY EWWWWW….and it was only 15 minutes in.  

Freakin’ Hi-Lo.

Random Thoughts….you have been warned.

1. Watching the Febreze commercial where the poor chumps get caught smelling nastiness and possibly catching a airborne illness, makes me cringe.  I would be so p.o’ed.
2. I’m puzzled by Rob Dyrdek’s new video show…. like a cross between America’s Funniest Home Videos and a random cable show. And yet, I giggled at the Beiber segment. L looked at me like I was crazy. That won’t be the last time he doesn’t that.
3. My popcorn making skills make my self esteem soar. 
4. Pumpkin carving tonight is giving me hives….but I won’t be beaten by the thought of pumpkin guts showing up in the playroom next week.
5. I’m 90% certain I will have to force Teo to be Buzz. As in force him to wear the costume.  If any of you know him, it’s similar to…well let’s be real here…dealing with me. 
5a. The costume is imperative if J and I expect our candy quota to be up to par. After all, it’s the bonus of having 2 cute kids.
5b. I don’ t have a 5b.
6. We have been having some serious dance parties here lately. L and M are offically fans of Foster the People, Nikki Minaj, some World Cup latin stuff and Dragonnette.  I’m thinking of getting them on Dance Moms.
7. I bought a crap load of clothes when L was M’s size now. Kudos to me for having a giant kid the second time around so I don’t have to go in debt twice. I’m a planner but I just amazed myself. 
8. L has 2 pairs of sweats and 3 shirts that still fit his NBA-bound limbs. Would it be weird if he wore his sweet firefighter costume to school a few days a week?
9. I taught L some states this week. His favorite one to say… Tennessee (where my friend Jill lives). This morning, I heard him say to Teo (as Teo was whining), ‘Teo, stop being a Tennessee’. 
10. In the old days, cowboys used to use a cowbell to call their buddies to dinner. J uses Beiber. It’s a Pavlov thing. Amazing to watch. Not sure if I’m proud or it requires an intervention.

Later gators.

Toothpicks, anyone??

I need a few…or 20.  This week has kicked my butt and it’s only Tuesday night…. groan.  Last week was a butt kicker as well and the weekend only added to the need to prop my eyes open with toothpicks. I don’t even need fancy frill picks (that’s my restaurant lingo coming out… I can also 86 things–confused? Good.) My sister would probably bedazzle her toothpicks. Not me, just regular old wooden daggers that allow me to look awake and refreshed as I sleep at my desk with my eyes open. I know it isn’t because I’m up working, Pintrest’ing, or sucked into the FREAKIN’ Kardashian circus…. I blame J for that crap on my DVR.

The boys added to the issue by throwing a rave last night. Random. 2:30am. I was questioned on what time they went to bed so that they would be bright eyed and bushy tailed at 2:30. Trust me, dear hubby, I have been tempted to throw them in their rooms at 6pm but one of them can talk clearly and might tattle to the wrong people…(read: Nana).  He is still pissed off that I smashed his face into a cupcake. He and Nana are still not happy about that. For the record, Gpa and I thought it was hilarious.

Remember when I said I found a curtain rod in the toilet?  Who wants to play that game again? It’s for big prizes….   I asked M where his chupi (pacifier) was…. he started chattering away like a trained bird and walked towards the linen closet. I thought, interesting… lets see where this goes.  Behind Door #1….. no chupi….but a perfectly preserved breakfast bar.  Any takers?   For the record, we do use the linen closet but I’m not in it like EVERY WEEK DAY!! Cripes! For the record, the chupi was in the bath tub. I totally would have picked that as Door #2.

Tonight, I played lazy mom. It was clean out the fridge for dinner and I let the boys play in the garage…. the garage is relatively safe. And L is an EXCELLENT tattler. He takes after me, fo sho.   I hear M giggling like crazy. Which if he was my first baby, I would sit back and enjoy the sound.  He’s my second and giggling like that means SOMETHING ugly this way comes. (A collision of heads, some random puking due to the giggling factor, or someone is gonna poke someone just to push the giggler over the edge which turns into screaming.) So I yell out to the garage, “What are you two doing?”  L says “Nothing!”  Grrrr. That is the sign I gotta go look to make sure everyone has their digits and teeth.  Sure enough, the giggling was coming from M who was watching L slide (like he played for the Royals…but better) into the car dirt and grime on the garage floor. He looked like Pigpen’s older brother. Sick. And I just said ‘Cut it out’…and walked back inside. MOTHER OF THE YEAR!!

J’s birthday is this week…. Hi Babe!! I’ve been planning for weeks!!! (To all the rest of you…. crap!!! I’m gonna need a mickey card, a few cupcakes and possibly something with a Jayhawk on it… GO. GO. GO!!)   I told L it was his dad’s birthday soon. L wanted to know where the bubbles were gonna go. Ok, interesting. He explained everyone has bubbles at their birthday and reminded me that I can’t smash Daddy’s face in the cake (he just can’t get over that one, can he?)  So who is on bubble duty? 

Off to bed, I go… ignoring the treadmill once again and reminiscing on what Zumba used to be.  Then again, treadmill or Zumba’ing would be insanely dangerous with toothpicks in. Safety first, dontchaknow.

Did you miss me?

It’s been a while…did you miss me? I know…you did. Are you dying to hear about the Martinez hijinxs? Like the fact that the boys locked themselves in the pantry while I was gone for ‘ALL OF 5 MINUTES’? Thankfully, L knows Marco Polo and they were easily found and spotted.  Or the fact that Teo decided to take a curtain rod and put it in the toilet? I was summoned by the ‘tattler’ only to find a giant 5 foot pole jammed into the bowl and a 17 month old with a smile like the cat who ate the canary.  Well, though. There won’t be any of those today. 

These past few weeks have included lots of travel (I’m so glad that is over…or at least until January which is when J heads to Asia); lots of packing, unpacking and laundry; and family goodbyes and hellos. The hellos are the best part.  If you haven’t heard a toddler grasp the concept of Hi and proceed to ‘hi’ themselves crazy, you should find one.. I have one. He ‘hi’s’ everything and everyone and it is always my favorite part of the day.  When I got back from Michigan, it took Teo a few minutes to realize I was home…but then his fat, crunchy fingers grabbed my face and ‘hello’ed’ me with a big smile. Yeah, I’m tucking that one away as a special memory.

But these past few weeks have also been tough. J and I have always been a team that works. We dig in when the other needs help…or even if they say they don’t need help. We have dealt with some family health issues that as of today, are as mysterious as they were a week ago.  The stress that comes with the uncertainty, the fact that one of us is always going to be considered the ‘go-to’ person of our families is an exhausting task…but a blessing nonetheless.  We are in the stressful, uncertain, space all while managing the 2 crazies and work in our lives.  I’ve had a lot of time spent in waiting rooms, and searching for what facial expressions really mean from doctors and nurses, and eating some horrible hospital food. And I have come to the conclusion…. I don’t need to climb Machu Picchu (but if they had a Target….), I don’t need to write a book (though I would love to…), I just need the people I have in my life.  They fill that void for me. 

From the ‘hi’s’, to the fat little fingers opening his door after he wakes up from his nap, to L voluntarily saying he loves somebody, to L asking me (as I come from upstairs) if I was in Much Chicken, to Teo wanting to dance with me and making me hold hands with him. All of those things and more.

Do I want this crap to be done? Hell to the yes. But I could easily go through life, raising kids and being who I am oblivious to what I know now to be true.  That would be a shame.  But I am certainly counting my blessings, being grateful and hiding curtain rods.

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